The Weight of a Transition

As I sit in a back room of work crying, I’m confronted with the weight of emotions and change that is anticipatory. Okay, there may be a slight influence of hormones, but the power of being a woman is the opportunity to fully feel the emotions as they come. Truth is, they’ve been piling on, and as I tend to do, I’ve been keeping myself distracted with a busy schedule to ensure that I honor my responsibilities at work, prioritize visiting friends and family, and still take care of my physical and mental health in the process. After a while though, the tasks in my schedule and the emotions under the surface start to build up, especially with being on the verge of setting out on an incredible, unpredictable adventure that doesn’t have a timeline.

My whole life has been meticulously calculated and tracked on a timeline. Haven’t most of ours been though? We go to grade school to ensure we get to graduation so that we can either go to college or get into a well paying job. Once we have managed that, we find a steady career, settle down, ideally buy a house, and start a family. This is the American dream we have been sold: work your ass off to get to the next stage, and then the next, and then the next, until finally you hit retirement in your late 60’s and only then can you spend your money on living your life the way you want to. Well, that’s the dream we have been fed at the least. I’m extremely grateful to be in a time period in history where I have the freedom to break from the norm. For many generations before, going against this “American dream” was thought to be unheard of, ridiculous, or irresponsible.

Stepping out into an untraditional path is not something completely unfamiliar to me, but this time is definitely the biggest leap I’ve taken. I dropped out of college my freshman year to thruhike the Appalachian Trail. Afterwards, I went back to school to study Alternative Medicine, a type of medicine that contradicts the pharmaceutical and insurance industries that rule our country. I’ve come to realize that my life is meant to be eccentric. The more I confidently embrace that, the more fulfilled, happier, and alive I feel.

That does not make it EASY though. People keep asking, now being less than 3 weeks away from my departure date, if I’m all packed and prepared… HELL NO I’m not. There is still so much to do, so little time, and yet I know I will be fine. Almost every area of my life is about to radically change, that’s the weight that’s taking a toll. It’s the people I’ll miss talking to everyday at the gym I work at. It’s missing coming home from a 13 hour work day and my dad saying “oh look who it is” while my pup wags her tail so excitedly. It’s the fact I’ll miss being close to family or friends if I really need a hug or a visit. It’s all the little things, which I know I will write about more as time goes on.

But for now, I’m taking one day at a time, choosing to be present and soak up every little moment that I know I’ll miss so much. This blog will truly be like a journal to me, a place to process my thoughts and feelings, as I embark on this thrilling adventure of life. Thank you for following along, your attention and presence means the world to me.