“Bull Headed”

This story is multilayered and complex.

Messages Delivered Through Experience

At the beginning of the Full Temple Reset retreat I attended in January 2026, I walked into my assigned room at the end of the hallway. Feeling full of gratitude to have my own bedroom and arrived to the place I’ve dreamed of coming to, I set my bags down on the bed and took in the quaint but comfortable set up around me. One piece of furniture stared back at me, literally and metaphorically, as the bull painting next to the door peered back into my eyes. I’m a woman of symbols, and I knew that this was significant in some way, even though in the moment I didn’t know how. After discussion with the other attendees, I learned that none of them had paintings in their rooms but instead had mirrors. This bull was my mirror and I was placed here for a reason, to look at a part of myself I would not have otherwise. I’d been given nicknames since I was a little girl that matched this mirror. “Bull in a china shop” and “stubborn as a bull” were labels my family jokingly adorned me with due to my clumsy and obstinate nature. Both negative in connotation, I knew they matched my personality but didn’t understand how a bull could be positive and contain a superpower within it. What about the bull could teach me even more about myself?

As the course of the week went on, I sat with this archetype throughout the sauna, cold plunges, journaling, and meditation. During the first day in the sauna, I was confused as my ears and nose got extremely hot progressively while the time in the intense heat dragged on. I realized my piercings were matching the temperature of the 190 degree box and were causing pain for that reason. While the group transitioned to dunk ourselves in the cold pool, I shared this with Kat, a woman participating with my group but also helping run the event, and she said that they recommend taking piercings out. Immediate thoughts of “what if I can’t get my nose piercing back in” flooded through my mind and I decided to just grin and bear it. During the next round of the sauna, my nose piercings once again got spicy and each breath felt like fire. The bull immediately flashed into my mind. Red, beating eyes with a ring through its nose as it puffed out a breath of smoke. I giggled to myself as I saw my stubbornness once again manifest in my actions.

A few weeks later, I received a reading from a dear friend from New Jersey. The sixth card pulled was representative of my Next Steps. “The Hierophant”, which i had never heard of before, was explained to me as “being a leader for others but also a leader for yourself”. My next steps were to lead myself in this new chapter of life. My friend mentioned that this card relates to the astrological sign Taurus, which I had recently learned was my rising sign. The rising sign, or ascendant, “represents your outward persona, the ‘mask’ you wear, your initial impression on others, and how you navigate the world.” The Taurus’s designated animal was the bull… Pieces all started clicking into place.

In a conversation I had with my beloved, he brought up the topic of spirit animals and what I thought about them. I gave a bit of background of the knowledge I’d learned through my life then shared the example of how the bull was recently presented to me and how I’ve been sitting with what that animal can teach me through its characteristics and traits. He spoke on about his personal experience with bulls while working on farms and how he has observed that despite their aggressive reputation, they are quite gentle with calves and cows, along with being loyal with the people that raised them. Another aspect of the bull I was unaware of until that moment.

Following the Breadcrumbs: Research

Taurus being my rising sign, and me not knowing much about it, I decided to do some research. The constellation was identified by Ptolemy in the second century AD and was established as an earth sign representing spring, stability, and growth. It originated way earlier though as it was recognized among the Sumerians between 4000-1700 BC as the “Great Bull of Heaven” that symbolized fertility, strength, and the spring equinox. Other ancient cultures, including Egypt, Babylon, and Greece, also revered Taurus and the bull as a powerful token in their belief structures. To stack on top of that information, I researched characteristics of a Taurus rising woman. The information that laid before me shocked me deeply:

She “often has a sturdy build, a strong neck, and a ‘solid’ presence”. Her personality is “calm,  patient, and persistent, but can be stubborn, inflexible, and resistant to sudden changes”. The work ethic that she contributes is “incredibly consistent, dedicated, and produces reliable results”.

I am not the type of individual that takes a horoscope as absolute truth. Instead, I choose to see if the astrological information resonates and use it as a tool to know myself deeper and provide an opportunity to embrace aspects of myself that I may be unconscious to or avoidant of.

Integration: I am Bull-headed

The bull had lessons for me.

When I completed the art piece as a representation of what the bull taught me, I bowed in awe. Staring into the magnificent beast’s eyes, I felt like I was truly peering into a mirror. My eyes welled up in tears. Since I’d been given the nickname of a bull in childhood, I’d been looking at myself all wrong. The younger version of myself associated the bull with being tough, stubborn, aggressive. Now, I could see how thousands of years of civilization respected this animal for attributes I’d never considered

1. Gentleness and loyalty. Two aspects I’d proudly embodied in my relationships

2. A strong build and solid presence. What I’d been ashamed of as a girl, I now stepped into my power through healthy habits

3. Patience, persistence, and calmness. How I’d learn to approach the inevitable hardships in life

4. Perseverance and tenacity. What I maintained as challenges enveloped me, trying to drown my spirit

5. Dedication and consistency. My work ethic had continuously made my dreams possible.

I feel called to use these attributes in myself for the world, to bring about love and kindness, in a way that contradicts the current turmoil and stress so many of us face. As I’m currently in a transitionary period of life, the way I bring about this may change, but the energy I carry in whatever I set out to do is like the bull. I am the bull.

And just like the 1936 children’s book, you can find me doing it the same way as Ferdinand the Bull, by choosing to stop and smell the flowers each and every day.